(READ) Beyoncé’s 1st boyfriend Is Sorry He cheated: ‘She will always love me…’

Beyoncé and Jay Z have been together for more than a decade; they’ve been married for five years and sometimes it’s easy for fans to forget that they weren’t always so joined-at-the-hip. This week, a ghost from Beyoncé’s past re-emerged to voice his heartache and regret over losing her before she became “Mrs. Carter.” The superstar’s ex-boyfriend, Lyndall Locke, was interviewed by STAR magazine recently, and he shared just how much he still hurts over their breakup.

“Beyoncé was the love of my life and I was hers, so losing her is still my biggest regret,” Locke says. “She would say to me all the time, ‘I’m afraid to ever live my life without you Lyndall, I want you to be mine for ever’. I’ll be honest — it was me that messed everything up and lost her for ever to Jay Z, but I deserved it.”

“Who cheats on a woman as beautiful as Beyoncé? Well, I am that man and it’s something that’ll always haunt me.”

Locke met the future star at a church youth group when they were very young.beyonce_highschool4

“From the first time I saw Beyoncé I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. She looked like an angel, the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen. We’d hang out after school and almost every night we’d fall asleep talking to each other on the phone,” he shared. “She was just so shy, she was a bit of an outcast at school and didn’t even sing in the choir. For two years I didn’t know she could sing. We spent hours watching movies together and playing Connect 4. Some of our most fun times was when I watched Beyonce, her sister Solange and Kelly performing dance routines. So while I had no idea how good her voice was back then, I certainly knew she could move.”beyonce_highschoolLocke also revealed their first kiss. “It was just after Beyonce’s 15th birthday. I surprised her with Brian McKnight concert tickets and it happened that night. I had got popcorn and as we were sitting in our seats I dropped it. As we both went down to grab it we bumped heads, and locked into our first kiss,” he says. “We both just looked at each other realizing there was this incredible spark of fireworks between us. It was that fairytale kiss you only hear about in the movies. That was the first feeling of true love between me and Beyoncé. Still, to this day, I’ve never had another kiss as passionate as that one.”

Locke also says that what broke them up was a combination of his insecurities about Destiny’s Child and her growing fame–as well as his reaction to her unwillingness to have sex.

“The bigger star she became, the more I didn’t think I was good enough. One night, when she was out of town, I went to a bar with friends and ended up sleeping with another woman. Over the course of a few years I cheated on her about five times, but I never told her until after we broke up.”

“She was such a great girl who cared about me deeply, she even wrote her hit ‘Dangerously in Love’ while we were together. That’s how in love we were back then. Initially my intention was to take a break from our relationship so I could go to culinary school and make a name for myself. But when I headed to Austin to do the course she quickly moved on with her own life.”

“Once she began dating Jay Z, I knew we were doomed and I could never win her back. But I know that no matter what, she will always love me,” he says. “I will always wonder ‘What if?’ and, given all we shared, I’m sure a part of her must feel the same way.”